| Monday, April 21, 2003
Well, this is my Easter
journal entry, even though I'm writing the day AFTER it! What
an incredible Easter I had! I hope you guys had half the fun
that I did during your Easter or Passover holiday. I have such
great memories of Easter throughout my life because it was
always a time for family. When we were kids, my parents loved
Easter and the whole Easter Bunny/Easter basket thing - and
they made it really special for us every year. In our house,
we always left a carrot for the Easter Bunny before we went to
bed and then in the morning, we'd wake up to a HUGE Easter
Basket hunt. My parents always hid the Easter baskets for us,
and so my sister and I could always have the best time trying
to figure out where the "Easter Bunny" had hidden
them that year. And it was always a race to see who would find
theirs first. And since I've always been a peanut butter and
chocolate freak, I always knew that I'd have a basket full of
things made by Reese's! Of course, they also threw a million
jelly beans in to make it colorful, but those always ended up
going to my sister because I'm not a big jelly candy fan. I
just liked the chocolate! Peanut Butter Cups and M&M's and
the big chocolate bunny were what I looked forward to! And
then after the baskets, we'd get to go hunt again for the
Easter presents, which were also always hidden. I was a
typical older brother, though, because if I found Katie's
presents before she did, I would hide them even deeper than
where my parents had put them so it would be harder for her to
find them! Nobody else could ever get away with picking on my
sister if I was around - but I sure took every opportunity to
tease her! (Don't worry, the tables turned when we became
adults and now she teases me mercilessly!!)
Anyway, as the years went
by and we got older, my parents still did the Easter Baskets -
even hiding them like when we were little kids…and Katie and
I would inevitably revert back to acting like 8 year olds as
we'd run around the house racing to see who would find theirs
first. For us, Easter was always a really fun day. Even after
we grew up and had moved out on our own, my Mom would make
sure we had Easter baskets full of the candy that we love. We
didn't always go back for Easter, but when we did, it was
always very fun. One of my very favorite adult memories is the
time my father and I decided to be smart-asses and go get our
picture taken sitting on the lap of the Easter Bunny at the
mall. We knew it would mortify my mother that two grown men
who were related to her would do something like that in public
and make a spectacle of ourselves waiting in line for the
Easter Bunny - but it was SO worth it to see the look on her
face when we handed her the picture! Not to mention the
funniest part, which was what we heard the guy inside the
Easter Bunny suit say when we actually sat down on his knee. I
can't repeat it here, but my father and I STILL laugh to this
day about what the Easter Bunny said to us!!
Anyway - on to this year.
The few days leading up to Easter weren't all that great, to
be honest. There wasn't really any good reason for that,
except that I was in SUCH a serious mood! And I couldn't seem
to break it, even though it was driving me crazy. Do you guys
ever have days like that? Nothing was wrong, but I just could
not find my sense of humor! I know a part of it was the church
service that I went to on Good Friday. It was REALLY intense
and sort of left me feeling down. I think that's the point of
the Good Friday service, though - taking you through the worst
and then leading you up to the celebration of Easter Sunday.
But anyway, without going into very much detail, I was kind of
driving myself crazy on Saturday because I really wanted to
break out of this serious mood and just relax and have fun,
but I wasn't horribly successful until right at the end of the
day when things started getting whacky and I finally broke the
ice (so to speak). And I think it's actually a funny story,
and in the spirit of the fun Easters I grew up with, I thought
sharing this story with you guys was kind of a nice idea for
my Easter journal entry.
Now before I start, though,
I should say that I had originally planned on writing
something really inspirational in the journal for Easter;
something having to do with the Spring and all about growth
and the rebirth that comes with Spring and this season,
particularly around this holiday. And I did start drafting
some great stuff that I will eventually put into the journal
for you guys. But after a few days of being SO freaking
serious and finally breaking out of it, I don't really feel
much like going back to being that serious right now as I sit
here writing this. So I decided that a FUN journal entry is
definitely more in line with where I am right now. And
frankly, what is more fun that laughing at yourself, right?
(Ok - yes there ARE things that are more fun than laughing at
yourself, but my motto is - if you can't laugh at yourself
then who CAN you laugh at?!?!)
So, as I mentioned, I was
in this ridiculously serious mood on Saturday. And my sister
is the one person who can break me out of any mood that I'm
in. So of course, she was the perfect person to call. She's
back on the east coast now, so it's harder to catch her before
they head to bed - but I managed to realize that my serious
mood needed a serious kick in the ass and I jumped on the horn
and got her on the phone before it was too late to call. I
usually try to not call during the evenings because that is
the time that she and her husband like to have to themselves.
But like I said, I was sort of driving myself crazy, and
needed a mood adjustment. And there's no better mood adjuster
than my sister Katie. So I gave her a call, and the
conversation went something like this (by the way, she said it
was cool to repeat some of it here because it's sort of funny
and there's nothing that was all that private). Here's sort of
how went:
Katie: "Hi, what's up?"
Henry: "I don't even know why I'm bothering you guys on a
Saturday night - but I'm in this mood that is driving me
crazy."
Katie: "What's wrong"
Henry: "well, there's nothing wrong at all - that's just
the point."
Katie: "Ok, well thanks for calling to let me know
there's nothing wrong"
(I can always count on my sister to make me feel like an
idiot! Haha)
Henry: "Very funny! Here's the thing, I've just been SO
serious the past couple of days and I feel like I have no
sense of humor and it's driving me nuts because I can't seem
to break out of it today."
Katie: "But you DON'T have a sense of humor!"
(she starts cracking up - her favorite past time is giving me
a hard time!)
Henry: "Shut up! I do too have a sense of humor - but I
can't find it today - and it's driving me crazy. I keep taking
everything so seriously and I just want to lighten up. It's
been this way since I went to church last night"
Katie: "Well that'll teach you to go to Church on a
Friday night!"
(she starts laughing again - she obviously was not in a
serious mood at all, which was perfect! That meant there was
hope that she'd knock me out of mine!)
Katie: "ok, so what's the deal then? Is something wrong
or did something happen?"
Henry: "Nope - everything is great. I'm excited about
Easter tomorrow. I have a lot on my mind and there's a lot of
career challenges right now, but nothing that should have
knocked me into such a serious mood and make me feel like I
have no sense of humor!"
Katie: "But you're always serious because you don't have
a sense of humor!"
(She's now totally cracking up - and like I said, since we
became adults, the teasing tables have seriously turned and
she loves nothing more than to give me a hard time and tease
me)
Henry: "You suck! I don't know why I called you!"
(of course I was just joking; talking to her was helping to
start to knock my butt out of being SO serious!)
Katie: "You called me because I'm the only one of us that
HAS a sense of humor and you wanted to remember what it was
like to hear a real one, Mr. Serious!"
Well, suffice it to say,
she kept teasing me until we both ended up laughing and I
started to lighten up a little bit. When we got off the phone,
I was feeling better, but I still felt like I was in a heavier
mood than I wanted to be in. But it made me think how lucky I
am to have such an amazing sister. And I'm even more lucky
that her husband puts up with me! We talk a lot more than most
brothers and sisters and I don't think he quite understands
what we could have to say to each other that keeps us talking
as long and as often as we do. But we've been really close
ever since we were little kids and we both rely on each other
a lot. Not to mention that we both have a pretty bent sense of
humor so we crack each other up. And she's honestly my rock.
Without her, I'd never be where I am in my life. She lets me
get away with NOTHING and I think it's always good to have
that one key person in your life who won't believe your b.s. -
even the b.s. you try to make yourself believe! She drives me
crazy sometimes because she won't let me get away with
anything, but in the end, I'm always glad that she was hard on
me because she pushes me to be the best that I can be.
Ok, I'm being too serious
again! The whole point was to NOT write about anything all
that serious. So yeah, yeah, yeah - Katie is cool. She started
to get me out of taking things so seriously on Saturday, yadda
yadda, yadda… Lucky me that she's my sister, blah blah
blah!! Hahahahahaha
Ok, so anyway, back to my
story. I was invited to spend Easter with the family of a good
friend and they were having a big breakfast thing on Sunday
morning and they asked me to bring something along. Well, they
always have such amazing food and I wanted to take something
really great to add to it. But I'll admit here and now, I'm
not really the world's best cook! I can do some things really
well, but I'm not one of those people who has a built in
intuition about how much ingredients to use and how long
things should be cooked until they are finished without
overcooking them, etc. And as creative as I am when it comes
to my music and performances and writing, etc., when it comes
to making something from the kitchen look really cool like
they do in a great restaurant (or at my Mom's house)…well,
let's just say that I fail pretty miserably! In the end,
whatever I make usually ends up tasting good, but I don't
think Emeril is ever going to have me on his show as a guest
chef!!
Ok, so I'm not a master
chef - BUT I wanted to take something really good for
breakfast and I really wanted to make it myself and not just
buy something; I wanted whatever I brought to be from my heart
and not just my wallet. Easter is a family day to me and
sharing Easter with my friend's family was very special to me
and the least I could do was to bring something I made with my
own two hands. So I called my mom and asked her how to make
this incredible cheese souffle thing that she makes for big
holiday breakfasts at home - and she gave me the recipe and
instructions. But it turns out that a lot of it is kind of up
to eyeballing it and using your judgement to get it right -
and as a person who HAS no real cooking judgement, I already
knew I was potentially in trouble here. But I'm also a
stubborn s.o.b. who thinks he can do anything he sets his mind
to -- and once I make up my mind that I'm going to do
something, then there's no changing it!
So I get all the stuff from
the store that I need and I head home to start making this
thing. It actually has to be made 8 or more hours ahead of
time so it can be refrigerated for that long before you put it
in the oven. That was actually a good thing, because I'm also
a pretty horrible judge about how long things take to get done
(especially in the morning before I'm fully awake!). And since
I tend to procrastinate anyway, if I had to make this thing in
the morning, I probably would have left it to the last minute
and it never would have gotten done on time … and as
stubborn as I am, I would have been determined to finish it
and then probably not have gotten there until dinnertime,
instead of 9 a.m. when I was expected!
Anyway, as I said before, I
had been in this ridiculously serious mood all day and
although the call to my sister helped a lot, I was still not
my usual fun-loving self. And so obviously, cooking was about
the last thing I was in the mood for! But it needed to get
done and since it was getting late and I was tired, I just
wanted to get this thing made and into the refrigerator as
fast as possible before I ran out of steam.
Now I have to tell you, for
a guy who doesn't do a whole lot of cooking, I am still a
sucker for every gadget in the world that looks like fun. So
I'm sort of like Cliff Huxtable on the Cosby Show - I've got
all this stuff in the kitchen that I rarely ever use, even
though these gadgets all do really cool things. (I just saw a
new one on TV called "The Arctic Twister" that mixes
ice cream and toppings together and shoots it out as soft
serve! YUM! I gotta get that one!). Anyway, part of my
collection is a Cuisinart food processor that my Mom bought me
a few years ago. And when she gave me the recipe for this
thing I was making, she told me to use the Cuisinart to grate
the cheese as well as to mix up the wet ingredients.
So I get all the stuff out
on the counters that I need to make this thing - and I tend to
be like a little kid sometimes who pulls out all his toys even
though he's only playing with one or two. So I have everything
out that I might need and I'm following this recipe and the
sink is getting more and more full of dirty dishes and bowls,
etc. And then I pull out the food processor and I start to go
to town. The cheese was simple - in about 2 minutes, 5 lbs of
cheddar cheese was all grated up and ready. That was pretty
easy - and no mishaps! I'm on my way!! Then I started to put
all of the dry stuff into the baking pan - it's a layered
thing and took a while to do it, but it looked pretty good by
the time I was finished. No problem! I'd be done soon with
this and it would be in the fridge and I'd be able to go to
bed and get a nice full night's sleep!
Or would I?
The last step is to combine
and mix all of the wet ingredients that get poured over the
top of this thing - milk, eggs and some spices and other
stuff, etc. And my mom had told me the best way to mix it all
up is right in the food processor. Now, before you all start
thinking I'm leading up to a story about running the food
processor without the top on and redecorating my walls with
milk and eggs…No such luck! As funny as that would be, I'm
not that stupid!!
Ok, so my Mom told me that
since I was doing a bigger size than she usually does, that
I'd need to add more milk and eggs to the recipe she gave me
so that I'd have enough of the liquid to pour over this thing.
Well, that's the first mistake! I wouldn't know
"enough" if it hit me between the eyes with a
freight train! So I end up deciding on 5 cups of milk and 10
eggs. I put all of that into the food processor and go to get
the rest of the stuff to put in so I can blend it all up
together. And suddenly I start to hear this horrible dripping
sound. Well more like a pouring sound than a drip! And I turn
around - and sure enough - I apparently didn't have the food
processor thing on the base tightly enough! And ALL of the
milk and eggs that were IN the mixing thing are now pouring
out from the bottom and all over the countertop! There was
milk and eggs pouring down the wall behind the counter… milk
and eggs pouring down the front of the counter and all over
the open shelves below it where I store so many of those cool
gadgets that I never use … and of course, all of that milk
and those eggs finally ended up pouring all over the floor!
And of course, it all happened SO fast that I sort of froze
there for a second thinking "what do I do FIRST?!?!"
I decide that I first need
to salvage whatever was left IN the food processor without
more of it ending up on the floor… so I just grabbed the
whole freaking thing to put it in the sink. But, of course,
the sink is on the opposite side of the kitchen from where I
had created this Niagara Falls of Milk! So I quickly grab the
stupid thing and head for the sink, which would have been
fine, if I had only realized that the cord was caught up with
the cord from the blender. But NO - I didn't see that! So as I
carry the Cuisinart across the kitchen, the power cord yanks
the cord from the blender and THAT goes crashing down and
knocks over the open container of milk that was also sitting
on the counter! So now I have a majorly leaking food processor
in my hands dumping milk all over the middle of the kitchen
AND a half gallon of milk on it's side quickly pouring itself
out to join the rest of the milk on the counter and the floor.
Now, if the sink had been
EMPTY, I could have just dropped the food processor there and
run back over to the counter. BUT NO! It couldn't be that easy
now, could it! Of course not! Because my two sinks were
already FULL of the dishes and bowls and stuff that I had
already used to get this much of the recipe made! And with the
extra milk quickly emptying itself out across the room, I
needed to salvage what I could of the milk that was still in
the food processor.
Anyway, I finally get the
stupid thing balanced sort of on top of the bowls and stuff in
the sink, and I grab a clean bowl and pour the rest of the
milk out of the leaking food processor into that. Then I run
back across to the other counter to try to save what was left
of that carton of milk. And I'm thinking "Oh man, is this
REALLY happening??!!??" Oh, did I mention that when I
bought this milk in the first place, the checker had put it
into the bag upside down and it had started leaking, which I
didn't realize until I had put it into my refrigerator and
noticed milk dripping down the sides all over the inside of
the fridge? Oh yeah - I should have known then that this
wouldn't go smoothly! I think this stupid container of milk
was determined to redecorate my entire kitchen instead of
being used in a recipe!!
Ok - remember my serious
mood from earlier that day and the day before? Well, after
creating a scene like this in the kitchen, there was no way I
could take ANYTHING seriously anymore that day! You have two
choices in a situation like this - get upset or laugh your
butt off! And I thought "My God, it's like I'm in the
middle of my very own Lucy episode!!" And of course, as
annoyed as I was at the mess I now had to clean up, I also saw
how funny the whole thing was; and especially how funny it
would have been if anyone had actually seen what had just
happened. But I thought to myself "at least I'm alone -
and nobody saw me make an ass of myself!". Well, that
thought lasted exactly 10 seconds before I realized that I had
left the windows and the curtains open to get some air and
because there was a party going on next door, the people from
the party who were out in the backyard had been able to watch
this ENTIRE THING through my open windows. And so to add
insult to injury, I now had an audience of people who were
laughing hysterically at the poor sap making a mess of his
kitchen!
Well, that's about all it
took to help me find my sense of humor again and to FINALLY
lighten up!! By the way - once I did get the place cleaned up
and was able to finish making this thing, it actually turned
out pretty great. Everyone loved it the next day and I figured
it was best to just let them all think that I was some great
cook and that I had thrown it together easily with no effort
at all!
The moral of this whole
thing, of course, is that I should be banned from the
kitchen!! I'm a good barbecuer - and can be trusted with a
grill…but when it comes to really involved things in the
kitchen, I always seem to create a mess of some kind. Usually,
though, it's because I get impatient and try to cut corners to
get it done faster. I guess that's probably the case here,
because I didn't check to make sure the stupid food processor
was clicked into the base tightly. Oh well, live and learn!
But you know what -
sometimes you need something like that to happen. And it
definitely helped me to finally drop the serious mood and
lighten up! And my Dad always says that anything that gives
you a great story to tell is worth going through whatever it
was. So this gives me another story to add to my list of
holiday meal mishaps! Maybe someday I'll tell you all about
the time I couldn't get the chicken to thaw and cook in time
for a dinner I was making for my girlfriend and her family …
and before I was done, I had microwaved, boiled, baked,
broiled and even sauteed these chicken breasts to the point
where they were like rubber!
Or maybe I'll tell you
about the time that I tried to help my Mom get Easter dinner
ready by making the sauce for a beef dish she was making. The
sauce called for 1 ½ cups of beef bouillon. She gave me the
meat and the recipe for the sauce and told me where the boxes
of beef bouillon cubes were. But what I didn't know was that
you had to actually boil water and dissolve a bouillon cube or
two to create the 1 ½ cups that the recipe called for. I sort
of missed that point, so I opened up a few boxes of bouillon
cubes and mushed them all up until I had a cup and a half
worth of bouillon powder. I must have used about 30 or 40 of
those cubes when I only needed about 1 or 2 of them. Not sure
if you guys realize just HOW salty and strong a cup and a half
of bouillon powder is when it's put directly onto a beef filet….but
let's suffice it to say that my mother never saw what I had
done and so 10 people were served what should have been an
amazing filet of beef and instead all ended up gagging from
eating the SALTIEST and worst tasting piece of beef that any
of us had ever had the misfortune of tasting! But in my
defense, I was just a teenager and had never really done much
in the kitchen, so how could I have known, right? Hmmm, I just
realized that my mom has never asked me to help cook again
since then!
Anyway, maybe if you guys
are REALLY lucky, someday I'll even tell you about the first
time I made a Thanksgiving Turkey and thought it was SO cool
that it came with the stuffing already inside it. That is
until it came out of the oven smelling like burning rubber and
I found out that it wasn't pre-stuffed at all - and what I
thought was stuffing was actually all of the cut off turkey
parts all wrapped up in plastic bags and placed inside of the
turkey! As I found out that year, you're supposed to take that
stuff OUT of the Turkey before you cook it! Have any of you
ever experienced a 20 lb turkey after you have melted and
baked plastic bags inside of it for 4 hours? Oh yeah - that's
one heck of a smell, I'll tell you!! I think we ended with
spaghetti for dinner that night!
But, those are stories for
another time. ;-)
In the end, this turned out
to be a really wonderful Easter after all. I broke my serious
mood and got back to my usual self. My cheese thing ended up
being really good and fooled everyone into thinking I am
actually skilled in the kitchen. I had a great day with my
friends that was filled with playing games that I love (like
dominoes and backgammon) and laughing and eating WAY too much.
And of course, the day was topped off by an amazing chat in my
chatroom with the great group of fans that stopped in that
night. And after I said goodnight to all of you in the
chatroom, the rest of my night just kept getting better and it
was spent being very happy and content to have had such an
incredible Easter… spent with exactly the people I wanted to
spend it with. From the early morning all the way to the very
end of the night, it was a wonderful and perfect day.
I hope that yours was
equally as wonderful!
With much love,
Henry
Monday, April 14, 2003
I am still working on that
journal entry subject I mentioned in my April 11th entry. It's
going to take a little more time. Before I get to that,
though, I wanted to add a tribute to an old friend of mine
named Kathy Praml.
Kathy had been battling
cancer for years and it had been in remission and looked like
she was actually going to beat it, but I just got the very sad
news today that it had come back and that she has finally lost
her battle and passed away.
I wish you all could have
known Kathy. Many of you have seen the movie of
"Chicago" - and I met Kathy when I did a stage
version of that show many years ago. Kathy played the part of
Mama Morton - the same part played by Queen Latifah in the
movie version. Kathy had this husky deep voice and a laugh
that would put you on the floor in hysterics when she'd get
started laughing. She had a heart of gold and cared a LOT
about the people around her, but she was also never sugary
sweet about it. Kathy always pretty much told it like it is,
and had zero tolerance for b.s. of ANY kind. And since I've
always really loved people like that, I gravitated to her
immediately. We became instant friends (along with her other
good friend, Terry) and during the production of Chicago, we
were pretty inseparable. That was during a particularly hard
time in my life because of some painful personal things I was
dealing with and Kathy was always there to yank my butt out of
feeling badly about what was going on - and I'll never forget
that.
As always seems to happen,
when a show comes to an end, you start to drift away from
these people that you were so close to while you were working
together. Shows put you in a world where you bond very quickly
with each other and become sort of a family. You always try to
keep those bonds up once a show is over, but inevitably
everyone gets into other shows and you don't have the chance
to be as close as you once were. But Kathy and I stayed good
friends for a long time after that and during that whole
transition phase of my life from then until I headed to LA,
she was always there with that great husky laugh and a good
ear if I needed it. She always had great observations about
life and about people that would crack me up. I would say that
Kathy never suffered fools lightly - and she'd be so funny
when she'd share her views on someone she thought was an
idiot. It was never cruel or hurtful, but she just had such a
great perspective on it all. She'd say the things that
everyone else was thinking but didn't have the guts to say out
loud. Don't get me wrong - she wouldn't do it in front of
someone to make them feel bad, but if the subject came up
within our group, she wouldn't keep quiet about it if she had
an opinion. I always respected her for that - and since she
WAS so freaking funny about it, you kind of always hoped that
someone would do something stupid so you could hear Kathy go
off about it!
And even when she was
suffering from bouts with her cancer, I never saw her wallow
in it. Instead she would be worrying about everyone else
around her and whatever it was they were going through. She
was a great mother, a great wife, a great performer and to me,
she was a great friend.
When my life took on the
direction it has gone in the past several years, I let my
friendship with Kathy slip away. An e-mail here, or a phone
call there, of course. But not living in the same city anymore
and coming here to LA to pursue my dreams, seemed to have
taken up all of my time and put a distance in our friendship.
And for that, I am eternally sorry. It's impossible to keep
constant touch with everyone in your life that has been
important to you and I think people generally understand that.
But I also think it's important to realize how unpredictable
life can be and to know that we don't have unlimited time to
spend with the people we care about most. I wish I had one
more day to just call her on the phone, to hear her husky
laugh, listen to her thoughts on the world as she saw it…and
tell her how much I loved her and how special she had been to
me during a time when I was facing some of the hardest things
I had ever faced. But sadly, I let that opportunity slip by.
And unfortunately, it's now too late. That's not a mistake I
intend to let happen again. And I encourage all of you to make
sure that if there are old friends who meant something to you
in the past, that you take the time to say hello every so
often. Because you never know when that opportunity might be
gone for good.
But at the very least, I am
so lucky to have known Kathy Praml and to have had her in my
life. She was one hell of a lady and I never will forget her
or her laugh….and whenever I hear the opening lyrics of the
Mama Morton song that go "Ask any of the chickie's in my
den….they'll tell you I'm the biggest mother……….hen"
- I will forever think of Kathy. Those lyrics were perfect for
her and I can still see that glimmer in her eye that she had
when she sang that song every night during our run of
"Chicago". And in my heart, this great lady will
live on….and I'll always be able to hear that husky laugh of
hers somewhere in the back of my head.
You will be greatly missed,
Kathy Praml….God bless……..
Friday, April 11, 2003
Hey everyone! I hope this
finds all of you doing really well - and starting to get into
the swing of Spring! Sorry - didn't mean to rhyme that! Once a
lyricist, always a lyricist, I guess! Haha Anyway, we're
having our first cloudy and sort of cold day here in LA in a
VERY long time…so I thought it was a good day to sit down
and write a new journal entry. There is SO much going on in
the world, though - and trying to find a single topic to write
about was sort of challenging…so it may be a mish-mosh of
stuff. I do have one topic that I do want to write about, but
I'm going to take some time to write it and it may not make it
into this journal entry.
It's been quite a week! My
heart goes out to the Iraqi people who may finally be able to
live their lives in a safer and more peace loving country. I
don't like to get political on this site, so I will leave it
at that - and just say that it was heartwarming to see masses
of people celebrating in the streets in Baghdad once they knew
that they were finally free of an evil dictatorship that has
kept them living in a state of poverty and terror for so long.
I pray that they will now be free to live their lives as they
see fit and choose a government that they, as a country, can
feel good about so that they all can prosper in their lives
and their jobs and fully pursue their faiths. And most
importantly, I pray that families that had been torn apart by
the unrest and abuse of power in that country will once again
be reunited with each other. That is about as political as I
think I should get on here. There's more I'd love to say, but
this isn't the place for it.
Did anyone notice how
LITTLE news there has been this month OTHER than the war in
Iraq? It has struck me how little we've heard about so many
things that are usually filling up our newscasts and our
papers. Makes you wonder if people are so focused on Iraq that
they aren't creating much other news - or if we are just
constantly fed a stream of news stories to fill time when
there isn't something huge like the war in Iraq happening.
Food for thought…
Speaking of food…what a
GREAT fan club dinner we had at the Hard Rock Café last
weekend! I want to thank everyone for being there! And I know
a lot of you that were here for Fanfest that had wanted to
come were disappointed that the dinner was held on Sunday
night because of so many of you had flights back home on
Sunday. Next time we'll shoot for a better day and time so
that more of you can come and join us! We had a great time,
though - and I thank everyone who was there for coming! I
can't wait to see the pictures!! I hope you all enjoyed the
gifts I brought along for everyone who was there…
FanFest was also incredibly
fun as well. I only went on Saturday - but I got to meet a LOT
of you guys and it was really great to finally be able to put
faces to the names of so many of you that have written on the
message boards and sent e-mails or ordered CD's that I
autographed. I noticed that a bunch of you have posted on the
message board about meeting me - and man did a LOT of you make
me BLUSH!! I've gotten a bunch of e-mails asking me about what
I was wearing - not sure why, though - maybe it was because
some of you wrote about it on the boards - but for the record,
this is what I wore - a white Abercrombie shirt and Diesel
jeans. A few of you asked for a few other details of what I
was wearing, but only my dog and I know for sure - and I'm
going to leave it at that….(but I will say that the initials
CK were being worn on my body somewhere…heh heh) (no more
questions about that, though!). Anyway, it was great meeting
so many of you and seeing a bunch of familiar faces as well. I
always try to be there to support my friend McKenzie when
she's doing appearances if my schedule permits. And when it
allows me the chance to see more of the fans, then it's even
better! A HUGE shout out goes to my friend (and Passions
publicist), Eva Demirjian - because seeing Eva always is a
bright spot in my life! And even though she's got all of the
Passions publicity to handle at these events, it's always
worth it to see that great smile of hers! She's the reason you
guys all get such great chances to meet the stars of the show
and she really is an extremely talented publicist!
Oh - to the guy who asked
McKenzie if she'd be interested in a nice Jewish guy if it
didn't work out with the Latin/Irish guys on the show, who was
told that all of her passion goes to a bald singer - just want
to say that although it was a sad day for all guys when
McKenzie was taken off the dating market, she married one of
the most incredible guys she ever could have found - and as
one of her best friends, I couldn't be happier that they found
each other. And just goes to prove my point - true love
happens just as it is supposed to and when it's supposed to…and
they certainly found it with each other. But I feel for ya,
buddy - you couldn't find a better lady than McKenzie!! But
she found her prince charming and it's exactly as it should be…
Here's a funny little story
for you: Ok, I'm convinced that the people who go to my gym
have got to think I'm absolutely insane! I tend to be the kind
of guy that puts on his headphones and totally focuses on his
workouts and doesn't notice much going on around him while he
works out. And so I make myself these great discs full of
music that motivates me and keeps me energized while I'm
working out. And today I was listening to a new one that I
created and on this disc is a song from the "Prince of
Egypt" soundtrack -and then I also put some stuff from
"South Park - the Movie" on it as well. So there I
am minding my own business, doing a bench press under some
pretty heavy weights - and this great song that Moses sings in
Prince of Egypt comes on and it's kinda short but definitely
pretty motivational for me (since I am hoping to be the
singing voice someday for an animated film like that) - and
I'm totally getting into my workout and pressing this heavy
weight over my chest - and then the song ends, and what should
follow it, but the song "Uncle Fucka" from South
Park. And I LOSE it! I'm hoisting up this huge amount of
weight and I start to CRACK up! If any of you know the song,
you know why I was laughing in the first place, because the
song IS pretty freaking funny. But what really got me cracking
up was the irony of Moses being followed by THAT song from
South Park on my workout disc - and although I've heard the
South Park song a million times, it just struck me as REALLY
funny this time because of the circumstances. And I DEFINITELY
didn't plan on it running in that order - I just like to have
music that keeps me energized. But anyway, there I am fully in
the middle of doing a bench press and I'm laughing my butt
off, looking like a fool I'm sure! Once I got the weight back
up onto the stand, I could see the a few people who were near
me were looking at me like I was nuts for cracking up in the
middle of a bench press! It was one of those moments when you
want to explain what's so funny so you don't look like a total
idiot - but really can't, because then you'd look like an even
bigger idiot! But I can only imagine what they all must have
thought, because seriously, what could possibly be funny about
doing a bench press?!?! But hey - when you gotta laugh, you
gotta laugh, right?
I know - a pointless story…but
like I said - it's one of those weeks where so much is going
on and I'm not sure what to focus on for this journal entry.
I'm going to leave it at that for now…and get this up and
posted on the site and save the more serious stuff for a later
journal entry.
Sunday, March 30, 2003
Sorry it's been a couple of
weeks since I wrote my last journal entry. It's been a pretty
full couple of weeks. I want to start this one by letting all
of you know that our family friend, Buzzy, has pulled through
his surgery and is on the road to recovery! I thank you all
for your good wishes and prayers for him during this time.
He's a very good man and my family feels very lucky that he
pulled through this and will continue to be a part of our
lives and our family.
You know, I've been
thinking a bit this past couple of weeks about caring (and
sometimes worrying) about those who are most important to you.
And I know that it's because I've had the chance to worry
about a few different people on a few different levels over
the past couple of weeks. There were the life and death
worries that my family had to face with our friend Buzzy. I
also had a scare with my dog, Duke, last week that lead us to
the emergency animal hospital in the middle of the night,
followed by a night of emergency surgery and several tense
hours of not knowing if I'd be bringing my dog home with me
again (everything turned out fine, by the way). Some of the
worries were on a less time critical level. A dear friend of
mine is battling cancer and it's often hit and miss. I love
her very much and care very much about her beating it and
being a part of my life for a very long time. And there were
lesser worries, such as my Dad having to have some pretty
major shoulder surgery last week, and although we weren't
worried about him in a life or death sort of way, we were
concerned about the surgery going well and the doctors being
able to repair his injuries so that he would be able to get
back to his photography work as soon as possible. So I
wouldn't call that "worrying", I guess - but maybe
more "concerned". And there were even some small
things that I won't even call worries or concerns, but maybe
are better called "vested interests" - where I hoped
the outcome would be as expected because it involved people
that I love very much. For instance, my sister and
brother-in-law moved back to the east coast this week. They
drove across the country with a moving van and all of their
stuff so he can start his new job next week. And of course, I
wasn't worried about them making it, but I was glad to know
they had arrived safely and hadn't encountered any problems on
the road as they crossed the country. It was the same kind of
feeling that I had when someone I care about had to fly out of
town last week. I wasn't necessarily worried that they would
make it, but in this era of terrorism and the war going on,
and bankrupt airlines that might be cutting corners to save
money, I was glad to know they arrived safely. And it was
actually a short conversation with that person before the trip
that sort of made me start thinking about this whole subject
in the first place.
In my family, we always
follow our goodbye's to people with the simple "get there
safely" or "let me know you arrived safely". I
never really thought about it before. It's something we all do
in our family, and whenever any of us goes back home after a
trip to visit each other, the first thing we do when we get
back is to call and let them know we arrived and that all was
well. Now, nobody in my family is really much of a worrier -
so I don't think whoever started this tradition a generation
or two ago ever started it because they sat in their house
gripping the sides of the couch in angst and worry that
someone they cared about wouldn't actually make it home
safely. I think it was more of a way to say "I love you…you're
important to me…and knowing you got to where you were going
matters to me". Although this is only something we do if
our trip directly involves that particular family member; we
would never call someone we hadn't just visited to let them
know we got home safely. I actually know someone who calls her
parents every time she goes anywhere just to let them know she
got there and back safely - even though she's a married adult.
I think that's a bit extreme and my parents would kill me if I
bothered them all the time to give them that sort of
information! We don't do anything like that. Probably the most
I'd do if I took a vacation without my parents, is to call
them within a day or two of getting home to let them know I
got back from vacation, but that's usually just to tell them
about my trip.
But this idea of saying
"get there safely" and how it relates to worrying
about (or being concerned about) the people you love, became
sort of interesting to me this week. I mean, does saying
"get there safely" make a difference to the person
travelling? Of course not! It's not like they said "Oh,
yeah, I was going to get there UN-Safely and have a disaster
on the way, but NOW that you SAID to get there safely, Henry,
well, that changes everything!" haha. So even saying it
is kind of silly. Yet, it's hard for me to NOT say it, because
with people that I love, it DOES matter to me that they get to
where they are going safely. Does it mean I worry about it and
sit at home biting my fingernails until I know they have
arrived safely and are ok? Of course not. That would be silly.
Even too silly for ME! haha But on the other hand, it's not
unlike me to say a little prayer for a safe flight for someone
I care about - and if it's someone who I am very close to, I
usually have an idea in the back of my mind about what time
they'd be in the air and about what time they'd be landing.
But I think that's just a part of my personality (along with
my own concerns about flying and what can go wrong when a
plane is up in the air). When I care about someone, I care
very deeply and how they are matters a great deal to me. And
so it's always nice to know that the plane has gotten to where
it's going and they are safely back on the ground again.
But is it a serious worry
that I have when someone is travelling (either by plane, or by
car across the country)? Of course not. That would be overkill
and completely unnecessary. On the other hand, it certainly
was completely understandable to be worried about my dog
making it through surgery, or to worry about Buzzy making it
through surgery. Especially when it came to Duke who has been
by my side for 11 years and I don't know what I'd do without
him (in the long run I'd be fine, of course - but you know
what I mean!). But losing either Duke or Buzzy would be so
deeply painful and such a great loss in my life. So during
Duke's surgery and Buzzy's surgery, it was hard to think about
much else because I was worried that they'd be all right. (It
was slightly easier with Duke, actually, because it was the
middle of the night, and I kept falling asleep.) But that sort
of worry is on a completely different level than wanting your
sister to get across the country safely, or having someone you
care about deeply flying safely to another city. And yet when
I said to my sister last Sunday "get back to the east
coast safely", she knew I wasn't going to be sitting here
nervous about her for a week - she just knows that I love her
and care about her having a good (and safe!) trip back to the
east coast. And I think she said something like "I will,
and I'll call you along the way to say hi". I don't even
remember the exact words we used because they weren't all that
important - it was just another way for me to say "I love
you" and for her to say "I know you do". On the
other hand, when I said the same thing to the person who was
flying to another city, I got the feeling they found it a
little strange that I'd even think about whether they would
get there safely or not; and basically told me not to worry
about that crap. And I guess the two different reactions to my
doing the same thing got me started thinking about caring
about people and worrying about people. I had previously
thought a bit about this issue because my friend with cancer
tried to stop telling me about her situation because she
"didn't want to be a burden to me". As if caring
about someone could ever be a burden! And with the different
experiences I've had lately with worrying about some serious
situations concerning people that I love, coupled with the
things I was just talking about, I really began to think about
what this thing called "caring" and this state
called "worrying" is really all about. And I
actually came to a very simple conclusion…which I wanted to
share with you guys.
Caring about someone, and
sometimes worrying about their safety (whether it's a
legitimate worry or just a silly one) is not a burden, and
should never be considered one…it's a PRIVILEGE. An Honor
and a Privilege. I consider myself so incredibly lucky to have
these people in my life, and my life would be FAR different
and a LOT less wonderful if any one of them were not a part of
it. Certainly, if you never cared about anyone, you'd never
have to feel the pain that might come if something bad
happened to them. Yet, on the other hand, I think that
ULTIMATE pain would be NOT having the experience of knowing
them and caring about them. I consider myself to be so lucky
that these people are in my life and that I GET to worry about
them sometimes. Even if it's only that little tiny worry of
"get there safely". With the serious situations, I
know that all of the people involved don't want me to spend
time worrying about them. But I truly believe that that's the
privilege I GET because they are important to me. And in many
ways, it's the same thing as someone you love being on a plane
or driving across the country. Do I really worry that there is
a likelihood of something bad happening? Of course not. It's
always a possibility, of course, but that possibility is
present in any aspect of life (driving, walking down a street,
etc.).
And so later on as I was
thinking about the statement "don't worry about that
crap" - I thought to myself: No, it's not crap at all….it's
a great privilege that we all get when someone is an important
part of our lives! And then I thought to myself: Wow, how
lucky am I to HAVE people in my life that I GET to care about
and even sometimes worry about! It's what makes life worth
living. Who wants to live a life where you only have lukewarm
feelings about the people you are closest to? Not me, no way…I
love that I get the privilege of having people in my life that
REALLY matter to me in very deep ways. And I hope that I
matter to these people just as deeply as they matter to me. So
for me, worrying about whether they get somewhere safely is
just a part of that. Of course, if I sat around biting my
nails all day long worrying about these people that I care
about, that would be stupid and a huge waste of energy. But in
looking at all of these different situations over the past
couple of weeks, I realized that I had found yet another way
that my life is SO rich. And this realization came from a
combination of the serious and the not so serious situations.
But ultimately as I thought
about this issue of what it means to 'care' and what it means
to 'worry', I saw that what it truly is, is one of life's
great privileges. And once again, I found another way to
realize how very lucky I am that I get this privilege to love,
and that there are people in my life that I get to care about…and
yes, sometimes even worry about.
So, next time you worry
about someone (or even have a mild concern about them), take a
minute to realize what a privilege it is to care about them.
And on the flip side, if someone worries about you, take it as
the gift that it is, because you are special to that person….because
you matter to them. I believe that we ALL deserve to matter to
the important people in our lives. And truthfully, isn't
caring and being cared about two of the greatest gifts we get
in this life?
Much love,
Henry
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